book 1.5 in L & J series by Emily Eck
5 Smooches
Synopsis
I know I’m a monster, but Elle made me feel like a man. If she knew what I did, about my life with MM, she’d never love me. So I lied. Well, I starfished, and in the end, it brought my world crashing down around me.
I can’t go back to being a monster, because that would mean existing without Elle. So I’ve made a plan. A plan that could kill me. It doesn’t matter though, because I’d rather be dead than live a life without Elle in it.
If I survive, will Elle forgive me? If I tell her everything, will she see past the monster? Will she see the man?
Review
This is a short book, which is told from J’s POV. We learn a little bit more about how J got to where he is now, and the incidents that made him who he is today. We find out what happened in the MC that makes J owe them more then he has. “My debt to MM was one that would never be paid off.”
We also get to read about what J was thinking when he saw Elle for the first time, and how he watched her when she comes to the club. J was convinced that a monster like him didn’t deserve someone like Elle, and that he could never be with her and cause her harm. But it was like they had a magnetic pull and he just couldn’t stay away. “My Elle shined, and brought the only bit of light to my dark and empty existence.”
We read about the guilt that he has for bringing her into his world, the one where he is a monster and has no way out of. The one where he isn’t good enough for someone like Elle, the world where he promised she would be because he would never hurt her. You can feel the guilt that J has for what happens to Elle, you feel the love that he has for her and how much he struggles to continue after he failed to do the one thing he said he wouldn’t. “I told her I’d never hurt her. What a f*king lie that turned out to be! I never meant to hurt her.”
You get to read about the aftermath of shooting and see how J is coping with what he has done and what he has lost. J seems to go into a pit of despair and the only thing he wants is Elle back, and he is willing to do whatever it takes for that to happen. Even if it meant his demise. He wants her to be safe. He loves her and would do whatever it takes to have her in his life again, if that’s possible. “Please, Elle, don’t make me go back to the emptiness.”
The book ends in preparation for the next book that I can’t wait to read. I want to find out how Elle and J’s story ends, I want them to both get the HEA that they deserve. Well done Emily Eck on another great read.
~stacey
