3.5 Smooches

Synopsis

ALICE IS LOST

Lost from her family, friends and the life she once lived. Alice Michaelson is held captive in the dark silence that had become a nightmare. Until one night when the door to her prison is left unlocked and she flees.

HUDSON FINDS HER

Living job to job, haunted by his own set of demons, Hudson Rivers finds himself disarmed by a single glance and he vows to protect the shell of a woman hiding in his closet. But protecting her means keeping her close and that threatens the emotionless life he’s been careful to create for himself.

They both fight their growing connection…

Will they find themselves lost into a world of silence, afraid to let one another in?

Or will they submit to the power of fate and all that it throws at them?

Review

“Every night before I fall asleep, I make a wish to never wake up.”

Twenty-five-year-old Alice Michaelson didn’t have a conventional childhood. Growing up as the extremely-sheltered, musical-prodigy offspring of a famous violinist who was determined to mold her into an improved version of himself, she had no childhood experiences that didn’t involve her violin. Lonely, desperate to spread her wings and experience life, she took off for Juilliard at 18 against her parents’ wishes. Finally on her own, it was there that she met and fell hard for the first man who showed her any attention. Despite dire warnings about him from her friends and family, she eloped with him at 19. Her nightmare began on the second day of their marriage, when her husband morphed into the monster that her friends and family told her he was. Years of captivity confined to a closet, or, worse, a bedroom ‘entertaining’ her husband’s sadistic clients, she has endured unimaginable physical, psychological and sexual abuse at the hands of her husband, Erik Scott, that has left her weak, haunted and unable to speak. Now, six long, hellish, horrific years later, Alice has escaped her captor.  A shell of her vibrant, former young self, she has been on the run for the last few months, and it looks like her luck may have just run out – Erik has found her.

“…if anyone in the world could understand the self hatred and disgust I feel for myself, it would be her.”

Hudson Rivers, a retired Navy SEAL turned special-ops private contractor, has his own darkness and demons to battle. It seems that the people he loves leave him, and he’s decided that he’s not worthy of love – what’s the point? – so, he doesn’t let anyone get too close. He’s been deeply undercover on a huge case for the last two years – a case that’s this close to resolution – he cannot afford any distractions right now, too much is a stake. Returning to his run-down hotel room one day, he has an altercation with a man who instantly rubs him wrong way and is claiming the room next door is his. Hudson knows that it isn’t his room; he’s seen the small, fragile, frightened woman looking over her shoulder as she comes and goes. It is moments after this altercation that he meets Alice for the first time when she ducks into his room seeking refuge from that man. Seeing the terrified woman scurry into his closet, Hudson decides to enter the fray and help her.

“Don’t be afraid to live, brother. She’ll be worth it.”

Back in Oregon at Hudson’s home, the attraction between the two of them simmers. Both believe they are unworthy of the other, both have much to overcome. Hudson pushes Alice to let go of Erik, to fight, to speak, and Alice humbles Hudson with her bravery and manages to sneak past his his walls. His feelings for her take him completely by surprise, and he doesn’t initially handle the realization well. Alice is trying not to fall for Hudson, she is certain that someone as good, as heroic, as handsome as him couldn’t want possibly want someone as damaged, as ‘used’ as her. Just when they are both starting to come to terms with their feelings, Hudson’s case heats up and he’s called back into the field. Will Alice be safe back in Oregon without Hudson watching her? Or will she slip through his fingers and back into Erik’s grasp?

“You love me?”

“I love you, Alice. …You’re it for me.”

There were a lot of things that I really liked about this book. The writing was great, the premise was fantastic, and I loved the main characters. I adored them together and most especially the genuine gentleness and care that Hudson showered on Alice. But there were some inconsistencies that took away from the overall experience for me. We saw none of Alice’s childhood, it was only very briefly mentioned, and this was problematic for me as her entire childhood experience was the set up that allowed her to fall victim to Erik’s initial charms. We also did not see any of Alice and Erik’s early relationship. The biggest problem I had was that aside from a very rushed paragraph or two where she essentially blurted out a glossed-over, Cliff Notes version of some of what she endured, we don’t really know the full extent of what Alice experienced. Instead, hints were dropped, vague statements and inferences were made, but we didn’t get any detailed glimpses into her six years with Erik, and I think that because this is being billed as a “dark” read that a much more in-depth look into that was essential. Most importantly, we didn’t see – nor do we even know – what exactly what happened to Alice to cause her to stop speaking, we just know it was “bad.” This incident was the reason behind the source of what ultimately became book title’s inspiration, and it should absolutely have been explained in detail.

I also realize that while this is a dark tale, it is also a romance between two broken souls. But after all that apparently happened to Alice, I really struggled with how quickly she felt sexually attracted to Hudson. Her inner dialogue in her first scene alone with him was a significant problem for me, and I can trace my skepticism back to that. I had a hard time accepting, that after six years in captivity where she was essentially raped viciously and repeatedly, that without any sort of professional intervention, that she could actually have the thoughts about him that she was having, let alone actually have sex with him without incident. I wanted to believe, I really did, because I loved Hudson and Alice together – LOVED them! But something wasn’t working, it didn’t feel authentic, and the pieces of the puzzle just didn’t come all the way together in this book for me.

This is not an author I am writing off, though. No, I’m intrigued, she’s definitely peaked my interest, and I will read more from her. The potential is absolutely there, I can see her raw talent, and I think that with a little more experience, perhaps some more seasoned beta readers, she could develop the enormous potential I clearly see in her writing into true talent. I’d definitely read more from her in the future, and I plan to read the next book in the series, especially if it is King’s.  A dark read like this is a tough nut to crack for a seasoned author, so I am impressed considering that this is Ms. Douglas’ debut.  So, while this book was certainly not an epic fail for me, Lost in Silence needed some tweaking, a bit more development of the dark portions of the plot and a slower pace (and trust me, I can’t believe I’m saying that) for it to been a higher rated read for me. This was an all-around good showing for her debut, though, and Tracie Douglas is definitely an author to be excited about.

~ Danielle Palumbo

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