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12 of today’s best sellers in Romance bring you this compilation of 12 stories to inspire falling in love this Valentine’s Day. 

**Note: These books may end in cliffhangers or be part of a series- purchase at your own risk**

Featuring:

Zoey James is in a funk. She has been through more in her twenty-three years than most people have experienced in their entire lives. After her ex-husband tries to take everything she’s worked so hard for, she makes one rule: Never date someone she works with.

When her father’s newly hired mechanic moves into the apartment above their family-run business, Zoey’s lonely life is flipped upside down.

As a teenager, New Zealand native, Andy Tate’s family is tragically killed in an accident, and he is taken in by his aunt and uncle. Andy is pulled away from the only place he’s ever known as home, and moved halfway around the world to Northern California.

Ten years and one failed marriage later, Andy finds himself living in a new city, with a new job at James Racing, and living in an apartment next door to Zoey, his new boss’s beautiful and damaged daughter.

After an interesting chain of events over one weekend, Andy and Zoey form an unexpected bond. Even though he’s the only one who can get through to her, she will do all that she can to keep him at a distance and not break her one rule.

Will Andy be the reason for Zoey to start living her life again, or will she continue on her downward spiral, until she finally hits rock bottom?

‘What your body desires

Your heart can’t have’

Jade Morley was not your average stripper. Her rules. Her way. No sex. Touching only.

D.J. Sexy Lady by day, Stripper Angel by night, her life became one with no emotions, no heart and no soul until one night he walked in.

Knox Dunway has one thing. Money. Women throw themselves at him every day and he takes what he wants, when he wants but there’s no feeling, no love and no commitment. He wants more. Growing tired of trying to find ‘the one’ he walks into a strip club one night and everything changes.

Will Jade ever give in to her heart or will her survivor instincts always win?

Vicki Green

 

Vicki Green grew up in Overland Park, Kansas and currently resides in Olathe, Kansas. Along with her husband and two teenage boys, they share their home with their fur babies. She enjoys spending time with her family.

Vicki enjoys reading Romance books which is what inspired her to begin writing. As a reader, she loves being taken away, to some other place and time, falling in love with the characters. She has always admired Author’s dedication and hard work. She had a dream that played out for over a year, came home one day after work and decided to put it on a word document to see how it read and that became ‘My Savior Forever’, the beginning of her Forever Series, her first book, and that’s where it all began.

For months now Jayde Kimberland has been touring from city to city with her best friend, Arianna Moore, as The Daughters of Darkness. Living the dream most musician would kill for, they were known as the opening act for the platinum selling rock group, From Yesterday.With Arianna battling demons of her own, Jayde found what she thought was her Prince Charming within rocker bad boy, Cash O’Brien. As the tour came to a close, the distance between them pulled like the tuning key turning to tighten one of their guitar strings. When Nate Daniels walks back into the picture, she’s faced with the possibility of having the life with the man she loved years ago or trying to hold onto a reckless Cash.

Everywhere Jayde turns she is hit with a curve ball, shattering everything she tries to build. But one person is there to help pick up the pieces no matter what. But as tragedy reveals its ugly head, she finds herself lost, lonely, and confused on what the future may hold. Will she be able to let go of the past and find happiness within her future or will she have to forever deal with the shattering effects of a love long gone?

Savannah Stewart

From the Most Beautiful Small Town of America & the Bourbon Capital of the World, Bardstown, Kentucky, Savannah Stewart writes Contemporary Romance, New Adult, and Romantic Suspense novels. She is very much a Leo, with one fur baby named, Jack. She’s a Book-a-holic who loves music, tattoos, photography, singing, writing, & laughing. One of her favorite quotes is “Love is the beauty of the soul.”

Andi Morgan is a strong, smart and independent woman, thanks to the help of a famous boxing trainer, Mack, and his protégé, Shane, who have respectively been like a father and brother to her. But that wasn’t always the case. Andi never knew what a “normal” life was like. Having been raised in foster care from the age of six after the death of her parents, Andi became emancipated at 16 after an especially horrible incident forced her into a psychiatric hospital.

Luke Woods, the family black sheep and street-brawler, is determined to be a successful professional boxer despite his family’s protests. He needs Andi’s help to get there. The wedge between him and his family over his past relationship issues and career choices is not easily overcome. Luke must learn to face the past mistakes, fears and demons that constantly plague him.

Fireworks and passions quickly ignite between Andi and Luke in the midst of the chaos that surrounds and threatens them. She never revealed the secrets and lies that have plagued her, but when she publicly inherits her family fortune, the living, breathing past comes back to torment her and threaten all that she holds dear. For the first time in her life, Andi must learn to rely on someone else to love and protect her or risk losing the man she loves.

Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes it’s all you need.

A.D. Justice

A.D. Justice’s debut novel is Wicked Games, A Steele Security Novel. It is the first of a five book series. The second book in the Steele Security Series is Wicked Ties. it continues the story exactly where Wicked Games ends. Each book is designed as a stand-alone from a character perspective, but reading from the beginning will give the reader a better sense of how the characters are connected. The premise of the series is based on a group of elite soldiers and their adventures with Steele Security. A.D.’s second series is the Crazy Series and Crazy Maybe is the first book. It is not for the faint of heart – complex, real-life issues are addressed, with several twists and turns that will keep you turning the pages until you’ve devoured the whole book! This series will also continue with more emphasis on the supporting characters. The third series is Dominic Powers. The first book, Her Dom, is now available. Her Dom gives a fresh, new, and realistic look at how a Dom/sub relationship really is, with the addition of a few twists, turns, mystery and intrigue. The second book in this series will be available in October 2014. A.D. Justice has been married for 25 years and has two wonderful sons in college. She is also an avid reader of romance novels and, to her amazement, a self-published author. A.D. enjoys reading many different types of romance books – including drama and suspense, crime and mystery, NA and YA, and contemporary and erotica.

Growing up poor and with a set of parents who couldn’t care less about her, Jessica Evans was on her own. She knew she wanted better and was determined to make it through college. Her only problem was that she was broke, and college was expensive. That’s when she was introduced to the world of depravity and scandal that she currently resides in.

Damon Shaw has just been assigned to take over the day-to-day operations of the escort service where he’s has been working for almost five years. He immediately bumps heads with the sexy and stubborn Jessica. Damon is determined to show Jessica who is in control and make her follow his every instruction.

When the two get together, sparks begin to fly. Jessica and Damon will challenge and enrage each other at every turn. The sting of words and the temptation of seduction are ever present between them. Damon is not at all what he seems. When all hell breaks loose, will Damon and Jessica make it or will she send him packing?

Alexis Noelle

I love reading romance books! I feel like being able to lose yourself in a book in one of the more exciting aspects. The books I love to read and write will be ones that make you feel for the characters. You should have an opinion on every character in a book. Whether you love them, hate them, or think they are up to something.

I live in Philadelphia Pennsylvania with my husband, two kids, and two dogs. On top of starting a writing career I am a full time student, and a full time mom. I love spending time with my kids, although I have to hide the computer from them when I am writing! I love being active and being able to do any activity outdoors.

I have always thought as an author the most important critic is your reader, so I would love to hear from you. If you read the book and loved it or hated it, tell me. As long as it is in a constructive way I will always answer and interact with you. I want fans to feel free to tell me what they want for the characters in the story and what they want to see happen.

Maggie Walker yearns for the one thing she’s never truly felt: love. After years of rejection and abandonment, the shy and timid Nurse found that running felt right and provided her with the solitude she needed to avoid the haunting memories of her past.

Keeping to her routines and having complete control of her life, made things easier, but not more exciting. When chance steps in, it throws the unexpected in her path in the form of a handsome stranger named Charlie.

Charlie Hennings lives under the pressure of expectation. When forced to follow in his father’s footsteps as an FBI Agent, he left behind part of himself and the chance to embrace his dreams, which included settling down and starting a family.

When his latest endeavor lands him in an undercover position in Brown County, he never expects to find the one person he couldn’t live without, who also ironically ends up being directly connected to his current assignment.

Throughout their journey, Charlie makes it his personal mission to help Maggie break out of her shell and convince her that she deserves all the love in the world. But when Charlie’s lies are brought to light regarding his job, will it destroy everything they’ve been working toward?

Can Maggie overlook his deceit and let herself experience these new feelings of love or will she just run away from it all?

Amber Nation

Amber is a stay at home mom currently residing in Southern Indiana with her husband and two beautiful daughters. If she’s not shopping, going to concerts or on road trips, or having her nose stuck in a book, you’ll often find her at the ball field watching one of the numerous sports that her girls are involved in.

She is the author of the contemporary romance Brown County Series, titles include Not Alone, Runaway Love, How To Save A Life, and Unconditionally (M/M). And Cottage Grove series, More Than A Memory.

Kayley Carson thought she had it all…married to the love of her life, a great job, and a baby on the way. Then one day, her life changes forever when she loses her husband in a tragic accident. No longer sure how to navigate life after her enormous loss, Kayley clings to her newborn baby, her family, and her friends to keep herself living.

When she meets someone that challenges her belief that she’s better off alone, she has to decide if she is capable of letting him in after swearing she was never going to love anyone the same way again.

She’s not the only one with a painful past. He is struggling with trust issues after a previous relationship went horribly wrong. After a terrible misunderstanding brings out both of their insecurities, will the painful memories of the past keep them both from living again?

L.L. Collins

LL Collins is a teacher who loves spending her days in the Florida sun with her husband and boys, reading, and writing. Her love of writing has found a home in the self-publishing world. Living Again, Reaching Rachel, Guarding Hearts, and Finding Forever are available now in both eBook and paperback. LL has been writing since she was old enough to write. Always a story in her head, she finally decided to let the characters out and start writing and try to make her lifelong dreams of becoming an author come true. She has been a teacher for over ten years, a wife for 15, and a mom to two boys, 12 and 10.

What happens when one moment changes the course of your entire life? Do you sit back and accept it, or fight to live the life you choose? Caleb Jacobs has a past that has haunted him for two years. Knowing he can never forgive himself for the events that led to his departure, Caleb chooses to live a quiet life—concentrating on school, sports, and shots. But when he is paired with Angie for a history project he realizes that no matter how much you try to hide from your past, one way or another it will find you.Angelina Powers knows what she wants from life. Growing up with only an alcoholic father for company, Angie learned early on in life that you can only count on yourself. But that doesn’t stop her wishing for her white knight. She’s confident, happy and focused…until she meets Caleb. So how will she feel when her potential white knight turns out to be more of a black shadow?

 

Rebecca Brooke

Rebecca lives near the shore towns of New Jersey, with her husband and two kids. When she’s not writing she loves reading and watching SOA and TrueBlood.

Everyone deserves a second chance at happiness, and three years after Chloe Holland’s boyfriend dies in a bomb attack in London, she’s ready to move on. That is until the one person she can see herself moving forward with is the worst person she could ever imagine.

Logan Scott was the one Chloe turned to when Jace died, but she never imagined becoming close to him would leave her with the biggest dilemma she’s ever faced. He makes her question everything. She makes him a better person. They push the limit of right and wrong.

Unfortunately, Chloe and Logan are perfect for each other.

 

 

Natasha Preston

My name is Natasha, but most people call me Tash or Tasha. I don’t mind either. I was born in England and have lived in small towns and villages out in the countryside ever since.

My husband, Joseph, is the most supportive person in my life. Without his love, help and patience I wouldn’t be where I am today. And this website wouldn’t exist! I’m a proud mummy to an amazing little boy who is my whole world.

At school I drifted through, achieving average grades. I fell into administration and receptionist jobs, thinking that I couldn’t really do anything else.

In 2010 I stumbled into writing completely by accident. I was searching the ‘app store’ and came across Wattpad, an amateur writing site. For the first few months I just read, but then decided to type some of the ideas I had floating around my head. I’m so glad I did because I absolutely love writing.

Writing gave me an escape, and Wattpad gave me the self-confidence I lacked.

With a former supermodel mother and a rock-and-roll legend father, Emma Preston has the best of everything. Nothing is as perfect as it seems though.

K.A. Robinson

K.A. Robinson is the NTY & USA Today bestselling author of The Torn Series, Ties Series, Breaking Alexandria, Taming Alec, Deception, and The Consequences of Sin. She is twenty-four years old and lives in West Virginia with her husband and son.

Lust, Love, and Letting Go

Cameron Sterling has sworn off women. Enigmatic and moody, all he cares about is his career…until he meets Lilly Amsel. A honey-haired fashion model with a killer body, she knocks him right off the fast track. Their undeniable physical attraction is white hot, their desire for one another an unstoppable force of nature.

They unleash years of pent-up carnal frustration on one another, leading to some mind-blowing sex. It also brings something unexpected into their lives: love with no limitations. But can their relationship survive their past demons? Cam has been alone for so long, he’s forgotten how to open his heart. Lilly keeps memories of her abusive childhood at bay with an addiction to prescription meds.

And then there’s the big problem: Lilly is already involved with a wealthy, powerful older man who controls her emotionally and financially and has no desire to share her. When he finds out about her trysts with another man, he deploys his thugs, sending Cam and Lilly on the run, fighting for their lives—and their love.

Gina Whitney

I grew up reading Judy Blume, and Nancy Drew books. I was raised in the town of North Valley Stream, New York(Long Island), and attended community college for fashion design. At 19 years old I opened a boutique. Recently, I published my second novel Beautiful Lies (erotica). Saving Abel (Erotic-Rock-Romance) will be my third and will be published June 30th. When I’m not writing, you can find me with friends and family. I live in Massapequa, NY with my two beautiful boys PJ and Drew, and our Mastiff Hercules. Reading has always been a passion and obsession. You can usually find me typing furiously while shouting obscenities over my latest WIP. My guilty pleasures are: a good laugh, being snarky, espresso, Pistachio ice-cream, alternative music, sunflower seeds, I.P.A’s, twizzlers, and above all steamy swooning angst filled novels. I’m pathologically obsessed with True Blood (Eric) ;), Games of Thrones, White Queen, Vampire Diaries, Resurrection, and The Originals. If you’d like to chat. Hit me up on Facebook or twitter.

Damian is book one is The Heartbreaker series

Meet Damian Castillo. The man, the legend, the heartbreaker. As a self-proclaimed man-whore, Damian doesn’t believe in love or commitment. In fact, he can’t remember the last time he’s had feeling for a woman that went beyond hot, no-strings-attached sex. The only things he cares about are his bar, his appearance, and his needs.

But then he meets Alexis.

Meet Alexis Blythe. A small town girl that has lost a lot of love in her life. Wanting to leave her past behind her, she moves to San Francisco looking for a big change. Yet, despite everything she’s gone through, she still believes in true love.

But then she meets Damian.

When Alexis shows up into his life, Damian’s caught by surprise. She’s different. She’s sweet, innocent, and feisty. But above all, this woman didn’t respond to his charm and piercing-blue eyes the way every other woman did. To Damian, she’s his ultimate challenge.

Could Alexis be the girl that will break through Damian’s wall of perpetual bachelorhood without getting hurt? Or will Damian remain true his ways and break Alexis’s heart and her hopes of true love? New Adult Contemporary Romance with **Mature Content** Recommended for 17+ due to mature language and adult situations.

Jessica Wood

USA Today bestselling author Jessica Wood is a hopeless romantic at heart. She currently lives in San Francisco, a city that she loves. To her, there’s something seductively romantic about the Golden Gate Bridge, the steep rolling hills of the city streets, the cable cars, and the Victorian-style architecture.

She loves traveling internationally, baking and cooking like they’re competitive sports, making ceramics, and watching tons of TV. And it goes without saying, she loves books–they’re like old and dear friends who have always been there to make her laugh and make her cry.

◆ COVER REVEAL: Indisputable by AM Wilson ◆

◆ Indisputable comes out on March 16th, AM Wilson’s debut novel! ◆

Add it to your TBR on Goodreads here!

Join the Facebook Release Event on March 16th here!

Eighteen year old Tatum Krause wants nothing more than to finish her senior year without any more drama. After the near overdose of her drug abusing mother the previous year, she moved out in the hopes of making something better for herself. However, the week before her final year, she ends up needing the help of a sexy stranger who’s about to flip her world on its axis.

Jacoby Ryan only wants one thing: to forget his past. The last two years have been filled with empty feelings and women in an attempt to stem the heartache and guilt. He’s ghosted blindly through the motions until late one night, he finds a car stalled on the side of an empty highway where he meets a beautiful girl with a haunted look in her eyes.

She has a secret, but so does he. Despite their magnetic pull, the two come to the shocking revelation their relationship isn’t so black and white. Is it possible to fight a bone-deep attraction when the entire universe is telling you it’s wrong?

A.M. Wilson fell in love with writing in second grade when she won a young writers’ contest. She spent the years following carrying around a spiral notebook, which she filled with poetry and short stories detailing the dramatics of being a young girl. When she hit her college years, she set the notebooks down and fell in love with reading romance novels. She may have attended college four separate times in four different fields, but always knew in her heart writing was her true passion. She grew up in Duluth, Minnesota and spent her summers in the cold waters of Lake Superior, but relocated to the Twin Cities with the love of her life and has two spirited children who make her world go round.

◆ Click one of the sites below to follow AM Wilson! ◆

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Email AM Wilson at amwilsonauthor@gmail.com

Join the Facebook Release Event on March 16th here!

Hosted by TOJ Tours, from TOJ Publishing Services, Inc.

Rock Candy Kisses

Addison Moore

Synopsis

Sometimes the thrill of one is worth risking the other.

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ROCK CANDY KISSES

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About the Author:

Addison Moore is a New York Times, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal bestselling author who writes contemporary and paranormal romance. Her work has been featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine. Previously she worked as a therapist on a locked psychiatric unit for nearly a decade. She resides on the West Coast with her husband, four wonderful children, and two dogs where she eats too much chocolate and stays up way too late. When she’s not writing, she’s reading.

Author Links:

Feel free to visit her blog at: http://bit.ly/AddisonMoore-Blog

Facebook: http://bit.ly/AddisonMoore-Facebook

Twitter: http://bit.ly/AddisonMoore-Twitter

Instagram: http://bit.ly/AddisonMoore-Instagram

Goodreads: http://bit.ly/1yshaGm

*Be sure to subscribe to Addison’s mailing list for sneak peeks and updates on all upcoming releases!

http://bit.ly/AddisonMoore-MailingList

 

 

The 3:AM Kisses Series

*EACH BOOK CAN BE READ AS A STAND ALONE NOVEL*

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Box Set Books 1-3

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

Book 5

Coming March 2015

Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it all.

Now that Erin has learned the truth about the girls who tortured her, and about the boy she loves, she finds her time before graduation dwindling at an alarming and exciting pace. What used to be summer break was now a countdown to her final days in Blackwell. Her parents, Sam and Julianne struggle with the fear that just when they’ve found Erin, they must let her go, and the tension is higher than it’s been since Erin discovered who she really was.

Finally with the girl he’s loved since childhood, Weston grows more desperate as the summer days pass. He and Erin will go to separate colleges. His biggest fear is that this means they’ll go their separate ways. Plagued with making the best of the time he has left with Erin, and finding a way to make it last, Weston finds himself in a different state of mind hourly. He is just beginning to realize that hope is like quicksand. The harder Weston struggles, the faster Erin sinks.

Erin Easter was now Erin Alderman, because Erin Alderman was dead.

In the second installment of this USA Today bestselling series, follow protagonist Erin, a high school senior in tiny Blackwell, Oklahoma. After a terrible accident leaves two classmates dead, Erin learns that she was switched at birth. Shortly after, she moves into the home of her true parents, Sam and Julianne Alderman, transforming Erin over night from pariah of Blackwell High School, to the only child of one of the most affluent couples in town.

Also being pursued by her childhood crush, Weston Gates, the dream she once had is now reality. But when Erin stumbles upon secrets that gives her the answers she’s been searching for, she also finds a truth she never wanted to know.

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Title: Black Number Four

Author: Kandi Steiner

Release Date: April 4, 2015

Find on Goodreads

Known as one of the youngest and most ambitious poker players in the country, Skyler Thorne has a reputation to uphold in Vegas this year. Her sole focus for spring semester is to perfect her game and get tournament ready – and have some fun with her sorority sisters, of course. Meeting a care-free pledge with incredible arms adds a whole new element of fun to her semester, but when a shocking discovery about his past surfaces, Skyler finds herself stuck in a game she wasn’t prepared to play.

Kip Jackson is on a mission from his father. His plan was to get in, have a little fun, and then get out – on to bigger and better things. A feisty girl with bright blue eyes wasn’t on his list of things to do, but she quickly moves her way up to the very top. When he realizes completing his dad’s mission means crushing her in the process, he must decide if his dreams are worth the risk – or if he even has the same dreams, at all.

Two secrets. Two hearts. Two hands being played in one twisted game of deceit.

When the cards are on the table, will anyone be left standing?

The perfect poker face can only hide them for so long.

Amazon

There are three things you should know about me.

One, I can read a bluff like a neon street sign. Everyone gives themselves away in some form of a twitch or another, and after a few rounds at the table with me, I can guarantee I’ll know yours. So, throw your best fake smile or confident wink at me, but just know I can see right through you – and we both know there’s no sense in betting all your chips with nothing but a Jack high in your hands.

Two, I have the best poker face in the game. I’ll make you think you’re reading me, show a little sign of being nervous maybe or bite my lip in anticipation of the river, but it’s all part of the plan. I’m building you up to expect the wind to blow one way just so I can pull out an industrial size fan and send your shit flying just the opposite. And if by chance you do get to me, you won’t know – because I don’t let it show, not even a little. If anything, I’ll make you think you actually played right into my hand – making you the nervous one, in turn. The key to a killer poker face is to strip your soul of all emotion and show only what you purposefully want the other person to see. And trust me – I’m the lead singer in the band of No Emotion.

Number three and, perhaps, the most important thing to know about me is this: I know when to fold. I know when to hang in tough, when to push my luck, when to bluff my ass out of a tight situation and when to throw the cards down and run as fast as I can in the other direction. In poker and in life, it’s all about knowing the game you’re playing and how you stand up to the competition. And pace – you have to know when to push and when to sit back and let it ride. Now don’t get me wrong – I hate throwing in the towel as much as any other competitive, adrenaline chasing poker junkie, but I’ve learned even in my short time in the game that there are some hands you just don’t mess with… some cards that forever trump others.

All three of these things are true. If you asked any sports reporter, any poker analyst, any pro standing around watching the final table of this tournament right now – they would tell you all three of these things about me and maybe add in a few notes of their own. Which is why I can’t understand why my hands are trembling, why my skin is slick with a film of sweat as I drop any shred of a poker face I have left and push the remainder of my chips forward – toward the one person who managed to get under my skin, to break me down, to change the game, to flip me on my ass and toss every rule I’ve ever had into a massive wood chipper, leaving me with nothing but the shavings.

The last thing I see before I close my eyes and give one final push of the chips toward the center of the table are the burning blue eyes that will forever haunt me, forever remind me that – even when we think we have a game completely mastered – there’s always the possibility that Chance and his brother, Luck, will show up and utterly screw everything.

“All in.”

Kandi Steiner is a Creative Writing and Advertising/Public Relations graduate from the University of Central Florida living in Tampa with her husband. Kandi works full time as a social media specialist, but also works part time as a Zumba fitness instructor and blackjack dealer.

Kandi started writing back in the 4th grade after reading the first Harry Potter installment. In 6th grade, she wrote and edited her own newspaper and distributed to her classmates. Eventually, the principal caught on and the newspaper was quickly halted, though Kandi tried fighting for her “freedom of press.” She took particular interest in writing romance after college, as she has always been a die hard hopeless romantic (like most girls brought up on Disney movies).

When Kandi isn’t working or writing, you can find her reading books of all kinds, talking with her extremely vocal cat, and spending time with her friends and family. She enjoys beach days, movie marathons, live music, craft beer and sweet wine – not necessarily in that order.

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Twenty-four-year-old Summer Johnson knows two things. The first is that due to a quickly worsening medical condition, she faces a risky surgery in three months’ time that may very well end in her death. The second is that she would like to fall in love before then.

As spring sinks into her namesake season on the Florida coastline, Summer plays the odds and downloads a new dating app – and after one intriguing message from a beautiful surfer named Cooper Nichols, it becomes clear that the story of what may be her last few months under the sun is about to be completely revised. All she has to do now is write something worth reading.

Tender, honest, devastating and triumphant, The Summer Remains explores a very human battle being waged in a very digital age: the search for a love that will outlast this temporary borrowing of bones. In an era when many feel compelled to share and re-share anything about everything, prepare to feel a love so special, you will want to hug it close and make it yours forever.

Amazon

Chapter 1

On a sunny Tuesday morning towards the end of March, a white-haired man walked into a cold room and told me I might die soon.

I fidgeted on the hospital bed as Dr. Steinberg entered, the late-spring sunlight mocking me as smiled onto the industrial tile floors. I’d known Steinberg since I was four. He’d handled almost all of my throat problems, and I trusted him. He was like a second father to me, and I knew he would always tell me the truth.

That’s why the look on his face scared the living shit out of me.

I listened for the next ten minutes as he gave me the gist of the story. It was all so surreal that my mind could only catch certain phrases before the sentence would run away from me again:

Your esophagus has ruptured again, for good this time…

Your stomach is leaking more and more…

Toxicity levels are through the roof…

Your body just isn’t getting the nutrients it needs from your feeding tube any longer…

And finally, terminal.

“Terminal?” I heard myself squeak, my throat filling up with that weird, shivery feeling you get when you know your life has just changed. Steinberg suddenly became very interested in a fraying string on the sleeve of his jacket.

“T-terminal,” he stuttered. “Summer, the thing is…I’m afraid this is a…well, nobody has ever…”

He finally cleared his throat and met my gaze, tears pooling in the corners of his cerulean eyes. “Sweetheart, I am so sorry to tell you this, but this mountain may be unclimbable for you.”

My mother let out a small, sharp sob in the corner and then clapped her hands over her mouth.

“Okay, unclimbable,” I swallowed, staring down at the floor as I tried to grasp just what that word now meant to me and my family and this weird little life I had created for myself.  “Okay. Unclimbable. Okay.”

But Steinberg wasn’t done yet.

“Hold on. I said it may be unclimbable, not that it definitely will be. I want to prepare you, and I don’t want to give you any false hope, but there may be something we can do, Summer. It’s a small chance, but still, it’s a chance. A Hail Mary, if you will.”

I reached up to rub my temples. “Okay, well, survival sounds good. Better than death, I suppose. What is this Hail Mary?”

Steinberg crossed his arms, studied me for a moment, and then took out a chart and launched into a spiel about something called the Porter-Collins Procedure, an extremely major surgery that would perhaps be saving my life in three months’ time.

“Nobody has ever survived this particular operation,” he concluded a few minutes later, skipping all the medical jargon to keep from boring you to death, pardon my pun. “Nobody. It’s been attempted three times, but none of those were ultimately successful. One person survived for three months in intensive care, but she was fifty-one, and in frail health in general. We think you’re a much more viable candidate, but then again, there is no way to be sure. We can do it in two, maybe three months, after I assemble the specialists and create a game plan – considering your health doesn’t take another nosedive before then, that is. If we’re going to try this, we need you in tip-top shape – or as close to that as we can get you, anyway.”

“Okay,” I said again, sitting a little taller. “And what are the chances that this Hail Mary will even work, and that I won’t just die a few days later, anyway?”

He peered down at me from over his glasses. “I’m afraid to say that it would be stretching things to even tell you eighty/twenty.”

I steeled myself and took a breath. “Okay, well, that’s better than a hundred to zero. Let’s go out with a bang, then, Steinberg. Let’s do this.”

He threw up a fist, triumphant, but I could see the fear in his eyes. “It’s settled, then. Hail Mary it is.”

My mom rushed over to sit beside me and kind of hang onto my shoulder as some counselor woman came in who helped families handle these types of situations – “transitions,” she called them, and just hearing that word threatened to pull me under. Dr. Steinberg watched, an apology on his face, as she said things like “preparations” and “options” and “arrangements.” I tried to be polite and pay attention, but truthfully I didn’t give a damn about what she was saying. It was go time, and things were looking grim. I already knew that. The wet, metallic panic erupting in my stomach was due to an entirely different subject.

“And finally,” the counselor, Angie, said in a hushed, clipped, polite voice that spoke of years of having impossible conversations with worried families huddled in chilly waiting rooms, “I work very closely with Last Great Hope, a wonderful organization that specializes in situations like this, and if there is anything you want before the surgery, Summer – a trip to Tahiti, a cabin in the mountains, whatever – we can do it. Or if-”

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said, making her stop short.

“Wh – excuse me?”

“Save the Disney trips for the twelve-year-olds,” I told her. “Spend all that money on a cancer kid or something; I know the truth about those fairy tales now. Make someone else happy – I’ve got everything I need. Or almost everything.” I paused as everyone leaned in. “I do have one request, actually. First of all, all of you are forgetting something vital.”

“Oh no, did we forget your milk?” my mom asked as she reached for her purse. “I thought I put some-”

“No, Shelly, we did not forget the baby milk I pump into my stomach tube every day to keep myself alive because my throat doesn’t work, but that does have something to do with it.”

As she pouted in my general direction I realized what a complete bitch I was being, and then I realized just as quickly that I probably wouldn’t be able to stop myself anyway.

“What is it, then?” my mom asked, stung, and I took a breath and then pushed it back out.

“Frankly, I need all of you to chill the fuck out.”

My mom dropped her purse onto her lap. Dr. Steinberg looked at me like I’d just tried to jump out of the third story window. Angie held her pen in midair and stared at me, the sun turning her brownish eyes ocher.

“Excuse me, young lady?” my mother asked. “We need to what?”

“Chill the eff out,” I said, editing my language the second time around. “Sorry, but all this emotion and drama and doom and gloom crap is already making me freak out. You’re all forgetting I’ve had a broken throat and a tube in my abdomen since I was in diapers, and that I can handle this. I’ve dealt with health scares before, and I will do it again, no matter how much scarier this Scare is than all the other Scares. Like, I know you’re trying to help and stuff, and I love you, but having meltdowns in front of me is not going to help me deal with all this, so please, I beg you, everyone take a deep breath, close your eyes, and get your panties out of a bunch.”

“We’re sorry,” my mom said after an impossibly long and awkward moment. “It’s just that we need to prepare you for…for what will happen, and-”

“Prepare me to die?” I asked. “Guess what, Shelly, I’m going to die one day, be it in three months or sixty years, and wasting all my time crying over it isn’t going to help. Here’s what I want, my one last wish – or my maybe-not-last wish, or whatever the hell this is.” A tear appeared in my mom’s eye, and I softened my voice as I reached up to wipe her cheek. “Okay. Before the surgery, I want to have a normal summer by the beach,” I began as I cleared her eye and shook the water from my finger. “I want to go to the sea and go to work and read my books and go about my business like usual without everyone breathing down my neck and treating me like A Broken Person, because if I am treated like A Broken Person for one more month of my life I will break some faces, no offense. Shelly, if you so much as make one special meal – I mean, not that I can eat or anything, because I can’t – anyway, I’m burning down the house. There will literally be a pile of smoldering ashes where your kitchen used to be, I promise.” Shelly pouted again, but I trudged through. “I’m serious, no special treatment. No Christmases in July, no excessive hugging, not even a midnight run to Target for some trinkets from the dollar section. And most of all…”

I looked around and, seeing sympathy in everyone’s eyes and knowing this request would be completely futile, said – “No sympathy. Please. The sympathy is what breaks me and makes me feel broken. If this is gonna be my last chance to live and have fun and be normal, then I’m going to need to feel as normal as possible, and that means absolutely no pity, because that separates me from everyone else and makes me Different with a capital D. And if I don’t stay in a good headspace I’m gonna spend the next three months in a fetal position in my closet having an endless anxiety attack about the surgery, so please work with me here and keep the pity locked up.”

A sigh and a smile. Shelly put her hand on mine. “I would never pity you, Summer. You’re the strongest person I know, and you always have been. You know that. We all know that. That’s not what this is about.”

I tried to smile back. “Thanks, Shelly.”

“Anytime. And can you please call me Mom, like a normal twenty-four-year-old?”

“Not a chance, Shelly.”

“Okay, fine. So, then…a Jax Beach summer? Is that really all you want?”

I paused as her words hung in the overly sanitized air. It wasn’t all, and I knew it. As I sat there I thought of the one thing I didn’t have, the one thing I’d never had, the one thing that screamed at me from the silence and jumped out at me from the shadows – and now that this upcoming summer had perhaps just become Summer’s Last Stand, my desire was suddenly more urgent than ever. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop the longing from rising to my face, and as I felt the blood burn my cheeks I caught Steinberg’s eyes again, which just embarrassed me even more.

“Well, I mean, since you’re asking, there is one thing…”

“Anything!” Shelly and Dr. Steinberg said at exactly the same time, and I stared out of the window as my eyes got all weird and watery.

“Okay, well, I know something so sentimental is going to sound crazy coming from someone so…well, you know how I am…”

“Honest?” Steinberg offered, trying to be polite.

“Opinionated?” Shelly said.

“Brash?” Angie asked, even though she’d just met me ten minutes ago and it was literally beyond embarrassing that she already held that opinion of me.

“Headstrong and stubborn and annoying,” I finally said, shoving it out of the way, and they all nodded. “Anyway, here goes. Since you’re asking, the thing is…well, I’d like to fall in love.”

I looked down at the ground again as everyone in the room broke my most important rule already: I could feel their pity descending on me, smothering me just like it had my entire life, snuffing out any chance I had at being treated like a normal, living, breathing human, who deserved to love and be loved just like anyone else, as they say in the Hallmark cards.

“Oh, honey…” Steinberg sighed.

“It just wouldn’t be fair to someone…” my mother chimed in, just as Angie the counselor lady threw in her two cents, too.

“Sweetie, you have to understand, your situation is very serious. People get irrational during times like these, and if you get involved with someone and the worst happened, well-”

I crossed my fingers behind my back and shook my head. I’d known they’d react like this – why had I even tried in the first place? Some things, I knew, were just better left unshared.

“Yeah,” I said. “Okay, yeah, you guys are right. I’ll try to…put that off, I guess. For now. God knows I have tons of time to think about it – it’s not like I’m dying or anything.”

Everyone forced quick, fake laughs and then got back to business. Unbeknownst to them, however, my mind was quickly leaving the room, flying past the barren oak branches outside the window and soaring above the clouds to someplace only I knew. My desires could not be contained by the circumstances in this room, or by sickness, or even by reality in general, really. I wanted love more than anything – this was true, as much as it humiliated me to admit it. I’d wanted love ever since I was a cookie-cutter little girl being brainwashed by cookie-cutter Disney movies about cookie-cutter princes and princesses falling into cookie-cutter love and then prancing off to their cookie-cutter castles to live out their cookie-cutter lives. And strangely enough, this desire had only deepened after the fairy tale fantasies faded away and melted into a more grown up, real-world entity known as relationship FOMO, when my condition had rendered me an observer from the social media sidelines as everyone my age paired up and got engaged and married and pregnant and then shouted about it from the Facebook treetops as loud as their keyboards would let them while I sat there single as a nun with the flu. But I didn’t want that cookie cutter love from the Disney movies and my social media feeds. I didn’t want some run of the mill summer romance that would fizzle out as soon as the sunrays slanted in the fall and the Facebook Official status went to shit.

Because I, Summer Johnson, Purveyor of Pragmatism, Lover of Logic, Ultimate Believer in the Rational, and Person Who Was Maybe Going To Die Soon, wanted to drown in someone.

Seth King is a twenty-five-year-old author and artist.

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