THE HOUSE GUEST, an all-new standalone opposites-attract, roommates-to-lovers romance from New York Times Bestselling Author, Penelope Ward, is available now!

Life is certainly full of surprises, though, but not always in a good way…

From New York Times bestselling author Penelope Ward comes a new, STANDALONE contemporary romance…

The last thing Dorian Vanderbilt expected was to find me painting in my crop top when he returned to the mansion he hadn’t inhabited in years.

He was understandably surprised I’d turned his living room into an art space.

Life is certainly full of surprises, though, but not always in a good way.

I learned that lesson when my aunt and the billionaire she married died unexpectedly while traveling.

I’d been living with them, and just like that, my life was turned on its axis.

Unsure of what was next, I stayed alone at the barren estate figuring out my next move.

That was when Dorian—the late billionaire’s only son—showed up.

I’d never met Dorian Vanderbilt. He’d been living on the other side of the country.

But now, he was home, left to pick up the pieces of his father’s legacy.

Not only was Dorian devastatingly handsome and mysterious, but he was the sole heir to the Vanderbilt fortune.

He didn’t seem to like me—at first. We were total opposites. But I was grateful that at least he didn’t kick me out.

We stayed out of each other’s way for the most part, save for some late-night kitchen run-ins or unexpected bonding sessions in the home theater.

Over time, though, we grew closer. Turned out, our chemistry was pretty combustible.

I was falling in love with him.

Until everything I thought I knew turned upside down yet again.

And fate left me pining for the one man I’d ever loved.

ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!

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Narrated in duet by Savannah Peachwood and Teddy Hamilton

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About Penelope Ward:

Penelope Ward is a New York Times, USA Today and #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author of contemporary romance.

She grew up in Boston with five older brothers and spent most of her twenties as a television news anchor. Penelope resides in Rhode Island with her husband, son, and beautiful daughter with autism.

With over two million books sold, she is a 21-time New York Times bestseller and the author of over thirty novels. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and can be found in bookstores around the world.

Find Penelope here:

Website  |  Facebook  |  Reader Group  | Twitter  |  Instagram  |  TikTok  |  Goodreads  |  BookBub  |  Amazon

Stay up-to-date with Penelope by signing up for her mailing list!

THE HOUSE GUEST, an all-new standalone opposites-attract, roommates-to-lovers romance from New York Times Bestselling Author, Penelope Ward, is coming August 31st!

Scroll down for an excerpt!

Life is certainly full of surprises, though, but not always in a good way…

From New York Times bestselling author Penelope Ward comes a new, STANDALONE contemporary romance…

The last thing Dorian Vanderbilt expected was to find me painting in my crop top when he returned to the mansion he hadn’t inhabited in years.

He was understandably surprised I’d turned his living room into an art space.

Life is certainly full of surprises, though, but not always in a good way.

I learned that lesson when my aunt and the billionaire she married died unexpectedly while traveling.

I’d been living with them, and just like that, my life was turned on its axis.

Unsure of what was next, I stayed alone at the barren estate figuring out my next move.

That was when Dorian—the late billionaire’s only son—showed up.

I’d never met Dorian Vanderbilt. He’d been living on the other side of the country.

But now, he was home, left to pick up the pieces of his father’s legacy.

Not only was Dorian devastatingly handsome and mysterious, but he was the sole heir to the Vanderbilt fortune.

He didn’t seem to like me—at first. We were total opposites. But I was grateful that at least he didn’t kick me out.

We stayed out of each other’s way for the most part, save for some late-night kitchen run-ins or unexpected bonding sessions in the home theater.

Over time, though, we grew closer. Turned out, our chemistry was pretty combustible.

I was falling in love with him.

Until everything I thought I knew turned upside down yet again.

And fate left me pining for the one man I’d ever loved.

PRE-ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!

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EXCERPT:

Copyright © 2025
By Penelope Ward

Eventually, I was able to put Dorian out of my mind and continue my movie night for one. Pulp Fiction was almost finished when the theater door opened again.

I turned to find Dorian entering—alone.

“Is it over?” he asked.

My pulse raced as I paused the movie. “About ten minutes left.”

Without further comment, he took the seat next to me, sinking into the chair and stretching his long legs. He closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. His delicious cologne wafted my way, sending unwanted arousal through me. I pressed play on the movie, hoping to move out of this hyper-aware state.

“Where’s your date?” I asked after the movie finished and she still hadn’t reappeared.

“She left.”

“Is she a…girlfriend or…?”

“Definitely not,” he said, staring at the screen.

“Someone you hook up with?” I pried.

He turned to me. “You always this nosy?”

“Well, we are stepcousins,” I teased. “You can tell me anything.”

“We go way back, don’t we? So much I nearly kicked you out when I got here.”

“Details…” I shrugged.

He chuckled. “She’s someone I used to hook up with when I lived here years ago. Thought it might be interesting to reconnect with her, but I was grossly mistaken.”

“Why? What was wrong with her?”

“Nothing wrong with her. I was just bored out of my wits. It’s probably me that’s changed more than anything. That happens when you leave home, I guess.” He reached for some popcorn. “Anyway…found myself more in the mood to watch Pulp Fiction than I was to make pointless conversation with her.”

“I can start it over, if you want to watch from the beginning.”

“Nah.” He shook his head. “But I’ll watch another movie with you, if you’re down.”

Ohhhkay.

Hesitant excitement washed over me. I’d been pretty lonely lately if the idea of having someone to watch a movie with felt exhilarating. But at the same time, this was Dorian Vanderbilt—not exactly someone I could relax around yet. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to say no.

I finally nodded. “That’d be cool.”

“You choose.”

“Well…” I took a moment to think on it. “If you were in the mood to watch Pulp Fiction, maybe another Tarantino?”

He scratched his chin. “Actually, have you ever seen Snatch?”

“Guy Ritchie, right?” I nodded. “I’ve heard of it but never watched it.”

“His style reminds me of Tarantino. I think you’ll enjoy it. Would you want to watch that?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, impressed with his effort to think of a movie I would like.

Dorian went over to the laptop and pulled up the film, then returned to the seat next to me. He reclined his chair as I pressed play on the remote. He once again stretched out his long legs.

For the next couple of hours, we watched the movie intently, neither of us saying a word until it finished. That was exactly how I liked it. But he did look over to see my reaction at certain parts, which I also liked. Any nervousness I’d had dissipated as the movie went on. And I certainly couldn’t complain about sitting close to him, since he smelled like heaven. I hadn’t been out with a member of the opposite sex in what seemed like ages. Sitting this close to an attractive man made me miss dating, even if the man sitting next to me currently was out of my league.

When the credits came on the screen, he reached for the remote and lowered the volume. “What did you think?”

“It was awesome. I love movies where you don’t know what to expect, and the power dynamic can change at the drop of a hat.”

“Ah…sort of like how you suddenly had the power when I discovered you could control those dogs?”

“Maybe, yeah.” My mouth curved into a smile.

“They actually like me now. But they did not like Savannah.”

“Savannah was your date tonight?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Tess saved me, actually. She helped me get out of the rest of the date.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wanted to end the night early and had been thinking up an excuse. Then Tess rubbed her asshole on Savannah’s shoe as we were standing in the foyer. She decided right then and there she wanted to call it a night.”

I cracked up. “Saved by the asshole.”

“Exactly. It was perfect.”

“Did you drive her home?”

“I called her a car.”

“Well, I’m sorry again if I disrupted your evening.”

“Trust me, I had more fun watching the movie with you than I would’ve sitting through whatever sappy film she picked.” He sighed. “And…I’m sorry if she was rude to you. She was probably just intimidated.”

“Intimidated? Why?”

He glared. “Really? You’re gonna make me say it?”

“Sure.” I smirked.

“Because you’re attractive…” His eyes fell to my abs. “And you seem to have no other wardrobe besides crop tops.”

About Penelope Ward:

Penelope Ward is a New York Times, USA Today and #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author of contemporary romance.

She grew up in Boston with five older brothers and spent most of her twenties as a television news anchor. Penelope resides in Rhode Island with her husband, son, and beautiful daughter with autism.

With over two million books sold, she is a 21-time New York Times bestseller and the author of over thirty novels. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and can be found in bookstores around the world.

Find Penelope here:

Website  |  Facebook  |  Reader Group  | Twitter  |  Instagram  |  TikTok  |  Goodreads  |  BookBub  |  Amazon

Stay up-to-date with Penelope by signing up for her mailing list!

MY FAVORITE HOLIDATE, a fake dating, single dad, billionaire holiday romance from #1 New York Times Bestselling Author, Lauren Blakely, is re-releasing in paperback* on October 7th! Check out the new cover!

*available now in digital and audio

Title:  MY FAVORITE HOLIDATE
Author:  LAUREN BLAKELY
Genre:  STANDALONE CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
Cover Illustration/Design: SARAH @ILLUSTRIOUSJANE
Paperback Re-release Date:  OCTOBER 7, 2025

Wanted: hot billionaire to pose as my Christmas boyfriend. Must be willing to make my cheating ex jealous by kissing me under the mistletoe at holiday parties. Bonus if you make him cry.

To my surprise my billionaire boss is more than up for the challenge of coming down the chimney as my holiday boyfriend. The sexy single dad desperately needs a plus one at a Christmas Eve wedding, where he’s the best man and I’m the maid of honor.

And since my ex is in the wedding party too, my boss and I team up as a pair of insta-lovebirds for the holiday season, including during the annual week-long Christmas competition leading up to the snowy destination wedding.

But soon staying up late to string the best popcorn balls ever turns into a scorching night in his arms where the chestnuts aren’t the only thing roasting on the open fire.

Can all these winter wonderland nights seeking revenge turn into the real thing when we return to the office? Or are we destined to go the way of a Christmas tree on New Year’s?

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AVAILABLE NOW!

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Narrated in duet by Samantha Brentmoor & Jason Clarke with a full cast!

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About Lauren Blakely:

A #1 New York Times Bestselling, #1 Wall Street Journal Bestselling, and #1 Audible Bestselling author, Lauren Blakely is known for her contemporary romance style that’s sexy, feel-good and witty. Her books have been featured in US Weekly and People. Lauren likes dogs, cake and show tunes and she is the vegetarian at your dinner party.

Connect with Lauren:

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OTHER WOMAN DRAMA, an all-new mafia romance from Wall Street Journal and USA Today Bestselling Author, Lani Lynn Vale, is out now!

Piers Webb is going to be the best bad decision she’s ever made…

Piers “Webber” Webb knew two things for certain.

One, he needed to stay the hell away from Silver Donahue. Two, he didn’t think there was a chance in hell that he could.

He tries, though.

For a solid year, he does his best to be dismissive to the point where he appears cold and threatening.

But when Silver finds herself in danger, he forgets why he was giving her the cold shoulder to begin with.

The thing is, Silver didn’t forget.

***

Silver Donahue was so deeply in love with Piers Webb it was disheartening. Especially knowing he didn’t like her back.
She’s determined to live her life, but with Webber always on the edge of her existence, she knows it’s futile.

But she tries.

The thing is, there’s no way you can ignore Piers Webb when he’s aiming that dark and deadly gaze your way.

She’s determined to keep him at a distance, until one night she has to pick him up on the side of a deserted road in the middle of nowhere. That one moment of need on his end is all she needs to realize a few things.

He’s as scary as he wants her to believe, and killing a man and disposing of a body is a daily practice for him.

She should run so far in the opposite direction, because he has so many red flags, even a toddler wouldn’t be able to ignore them.

But she’s always proven she makes bad decisions.

But Piers Webb is going to be the best bad decision she’s ever made.

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About Lani Lynn Vale:

Lani Lynn Vale is an American author of humorous romantic suspense novels. Born in the Great State of Texas, she has lived the majority of her adult life in East Texas where most of her novels are based. She’s married to her high school sweetheart whom her readers refer to as “LLV’s Bearded Half.” She published her first novel, Boomtown, in the summer of 2013 after the birth of her third child. She’s gone on to publish over 100 novels, with most of them going on to become USA Today Bestsellers.

Connect with Lani:

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MERRY LITTLE KISSMAS, a spicy, fake-dating, single-dad, hockey holiday romance from #1 New York Times Bestselling Author, Lauren Blakely, is coming October 28th! Check out this cover!

Title:  MERRY LITTLE KISSMAS
Author:  LAUREN BLAKELY
Genre:  CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
Cover Design:  SARAH JANE, ILLUSTRIOUSJANE
Dog Model:  WANDA WONDERPUP
Release Date:  OCTOBER 28, 2025

Wanted: A fresh shot at love for the holidays. But fake dating my brother’s grumpy best friend? He’s my new client, for Santa’s sake!

As a professional matchmaker, my biggest job this holiday season should be simple: find a date for the sexy single dad hockey player—aka my brother’s best friend—for his team’s fancy Christmas Eve gala. 

Sure Rowan’s hot as a crackling fire and spicier than a gingerbread man, but he hasn’t just sworn off romance. The Christmas hater has made a bet that I can’t find him a holidate.

What’s a matchmaker to do?

Win, of course. Even if it means fake dating the grinch myself to get him ready for the real thing.

Only…these fake dates at Christmas tree farms and hot cocoa competitions in the snowy small town of Evergreen Falls start to feel a little too real as I get to know the man behind the scowl. Somewhere between kisses under the mistletoe and a snowed-in night in his cabin curled up by the fire (where the stockings aren’t the only thing hung), I realize I’m in over my elf-loving head.

And when Rowan opens up to me at last about his painful past, I’m determined to give my brother’s best friend the holiday he deserves.

But what if the only gift I want him to unwrap this season is… me?

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About Lauren Blakely:

A #1 New York Times Bestselling, #1 Wall Street Journal Bestselling, and #1 Audible Bestselling author, Lauren Blakely is known for her contemporary romance style that’s sexy, feel-good and witty. Her books have been featured in US Weekly and People. Lauren likes dogs, cake and show tunes and she is the vegetarian at your dinner party.

Connect with Lauren:

Website  |  Facebook  |  Instagram  |  TikTok  |  Twitter  |  Amazon  |  BookBub  |  Goodreads

Sign up for her newsletter to stay up to date with Lauren!

THE HOUSE GUEST, an all-new standalone opposites-attract, roommates-to-lovers romance from New York Times Bestselling Author, Penelope Ward, is coming August 31st! Check out this cover!

Title:  THE HOUSE GUEST
Author:  PENELOPE WARD 
Genre:  STANDALONE CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
Cover Design:  LETITIA HASSER, RBA DESIGNS
Photographer:  EVGENIIA BEZRUK
Model:  SERGEY MULTAK
Release Date:  AUGUST 31, 2025

From New York Times bestselling author Penelope Ward comes a new, STANDALONE contemporary romance…

The last thing Dorian Vanderbilt expected was to find me painting in my crop top when he returned to the mansion he hadn’t inhabited in years.

He was understandably surprised I’d turned his living room into an art space.

Life is certainly full of surprises, though, but not always in a good way.

I learned that lesson when my aunt and the billionaire she married died unexpectedly while traveling.

I’d been living with them, and just like that, my life was turned on its axis.

Unsure of what was next, I stayed alone at the barren estate figuring out my next move.

That was when Dorian—the late billionaire’s only son—showed up.

I’d never met Dorian Vanderbilt. He’d been living on the other side of the country.

But now, he was home, left to pick up the pieces of his father’s legacy.

Not only was Dorian devastatingly handsome and mysterious, but he was the sole heir to the Vanderbilt fortune.

He didn’t seem to like me—at first. We were total opposites. But I was grateful that at least he didn’t kick me out.

We stayed out of each other’s way for the most part, save for some late-night kitchen run-ins or unexpected bonding sessions in the home theater.

Over time, though, we grew closer. Turned out, our chemistry was pretty combustible.

I was falling in love with him.

Until everything I thought I knew turned upside down yet again.

And fate left me pining for the one man I’d ever loved.

ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY!

Amazon US  |  Amazon AU  |  Amazon CA  |  Amazon UK 

Add to Goodreads

About Penelope Ward:

Penelope Ward is a New York Times, USA Today and #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author of contemporary romance.

She grew up in Boston with five older brothers and spent most of her twenties as a television news anchor. Penelope resides in Rhode Island with her husband, son, and beautiful daughter with autism.

With over two million books sold, she is a 21-time New York Times bestseller and the author of over thirty novels. Her books have been translated into over a dozen languages and can be found in bookstores around the world.

Find Penelope here:

Website  |  Facebook  |  Reader Group  | Twitter  |  Instagram  |  TikTok  |  Goodreads  |  BookBub  |  Amazon

Stay up-to-date with Penelope by signing up for her mailing list!

NIGHT’S FALL, an all-new steamy and spellbinding romantic fantasy from New York Times Bestselling Author, Kristen Ashley, is available now!

A plot threatens lives and the peace of the Four Realms…

The Four Realms are experiencing an unprecedented period of peace…

At thirteen years old, it became known Prince Aleksei Knightstar of Night’s Fall was the True Heir. The next king, the fiercest warrior, the mightiest beast in all the realm.

The Fall rejoiced at having the first True Heir in over a century.

But Aleksei is private, no nonsense, and worried about why The Fall, in a time of peace, would need a True Heir.

Laura Makepeace is a talented costume designer and everywoman who’s recovering from a recent random and traumatic attack where she lost something vital. She barely has it in her to put on a pretty frock and go drinking with her girlfriends.

She certainly isn’t prepared to be summoned to the True Heir’s table in the VIP section of a club.

The prince is not a male easily put off, not to mention, like every other female in the Four Realms, Laura has been crushing on him since she first saw him.

Thus, Laura finds herself suddenly being courted by Prince Aleksei and thrown into a whirl of public and press attention, royal family dysfunction…

And a plot that threatens lives and the peace of the Four Realms.

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About Kristen Ashley:

Kristen Ashley is the New York Times bestselling author of over eighty romance novels. She’s a hybrid author, publishing titles both independently and traditionally, her books have been translated in fourteen languages and she’s sold millions of books.

Kristen, born in Gary and raised in Brownsburg, Indiana and was a fourth-generation graduate of Purdue University. Since, she has lived in Denver, the West Country of England, and she now resides in Phoenix. She worked as a charity executive for eighteen years prior to beginning her independent publishing career. She now writes full-time.

Although romance is her genre, the prevailing themes running through all of Kristen’s novels are friendship, family and a strong sisterhood. To this end, and as a way to thank her readers for their support, Kristen has created the Rock Chick Nation, a series of programs that are designed to give back to her readers and promote a strong female community. You can learn more about Kristen and the Rock Chick Nation on her website.

Connect with Kristen:

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Sign up for Kristen’s newsletter!

DENIM & DIAMONDS, an all-new opposites attract, small-town romance from New York Times Bestselling Authors, Penelope Ward and Vi Keeland, is out now!

Scroll down for an excerpt!

He was denim. I was diamonds…

When the board of directors of my company mandated that I go to a wellness facility in small-town Maine to recharge, that shouldn’t have included:

1. Using a ladder to sneak out of the bedroom window at night and going to the local bar.
2. Getting so drunk that the bar owner brought me upstairs to sleep it off in his bed.
3. Waking up staring at the taxidermy moose head on said bar owner’s wall.
4. Falling for said bar owner who was the most drop-dead gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.

But Brock Hawkins was so much more than just the hot bar owner. He owned half the town, built log cabins with his bare hands, and was apparently the most eligible man in all of Meadowbrook.

He was also a cinnamon roll despite his seemingly rock-hard exterior.
And the last man I should’ve been falling for—because my time in this small town was limited.

I had to head back to my life in New York City, one that was the complete opposite from the kind Brock lived.

He was denim. I was diamonds.

The problem was, the sexy lumberjack wasn’t the type of man who was easy to walk away from. Hell, I couldn’t even part with his plaid shirt that had become a constant fixture wrapped around my shoulders most days, let alone think about erasing him from my life.

A life with Brock, though, would have to be all or nothing.

Go big or go home.

I just didn’t realize that choosing to go big might also mean getting my heart broken when Brock’s life took a turn neither of us saw coming.

ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY OR READ FOR FREE IN KINDLE UNLIMITED!

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“…a sizzling, opposites-attract romance that proves love can bloom in the most unexpected places!” ~Danielle, Red Cheeks Reads

Check out Danielle’s 5 SMOOCHES review!

EXCERPT:

Ugh. My aching head.

I lifted it from the pillow and looked around the room. Where the hell am I? This was definitely not my room at Sierra Wellness Center, and why the heck are my eyes burning so much? I must’ve left my contacts in last night. I blinked a few times, attempting to get rid of the dryness. It helped, but when my vision came into focus, I found myself staring into the eyes of…a giant moose.

“Holy shit!” I jumped from the bed and landed on my ass on the hard floor.

Clunk-clunk. Click.

Clunk-clunk. Click.

My grandfather had loved old westerns, so I knew the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being pumped and cocked. I squeezed my eyes shut and raised my hands into the air. I might’ve also peed my pants a little. “Don’t shoot! Please don’t shoot!”

“What the hell, Red?” a deep, throaty voice growled. “I’m not going to fucking shoot you.”

I peeked one eye open and found a bearded man standing on the other side of the bed wearing a pair of boxer shorts and holding a gun. He looked vaguely familiar.

“Well, then stop pointing that thing at me!”

“Sorry.” He lowered it. “What the hell did you scream like that for?”

I blinked a few times. “Who the hell are you?”

“Jesus Christ,” the guy mumbled. “You don’t remember last night?”

My eyes bulged. Last night? Oh my God. Did I sleep with this lumberjack? I looked down and was relieved to find I still had all my clothes on, boots and all.

The guy shook his head. “You’d remember it, sweetheart. Trust me.”

“What?”

“You just checked to see what you were wearing, so I’m guessing you were questioning whether we had sex. We didn’t. And if we had, you’d remember it.”

“Why is that?”

The corner of his lip twitched. “How’s your noggin?”

The pain I’d felt when I first opened my eyes came roaring back with a vengeance. I reached for my head. “Who are you, and what the heck did I drink last night?”

Lumberjack bent and lifted the mattress, casually tucking the rifle between it and the boxspring.

“Is that where that gets filed?” I asked.

His lip twitched again. “It is. And an extra dry martini, shaken not stirred, with a lemon twist, dash of orange bitters, and two bleu cheese olives.”

I felt my nose wrinkle. “What?”

“You asked what you drank last night. That’s what your prissy order was. Though that’s not actually what you drank.”

“A dry martini is not prissy.”

“In this town it is, especially the way you order it.”

“What did I drink if my order was too prissy for you?”

“Vodka.”

“With?”

“Ice.”

“No wonder my head is killing me. Why would you give me that?”

Lumberjack’s eyebrows shot up. “Because you asked for it when I told you I didn’t have orange bitters, bleu cheese olives, or lemons, and I was all out of vermouth.”

“You told me you didn’t have it? So you’re who…the bartender?”

He frowned. “Yeah. I’m the bartender. Is that below your standards or something? I also own the place.”

“I didn’t mean it like that… I just…” I shook my head and looked around the room. For the first time, I realized the moose wasn’t alone. He had friends—a deer with big antlers, a bear, and some other thing I thought might be an elk. “Did you kill all these animals?”

Lumberjack folded his arms across his broad chest. “Is that a problem?”

“I’m guessing for them it was.”

He walked around the bed and held a hand out to me—I was still sitting on the floor. I hesitated, and he shook his head. “It’s my hand, sweetheart. Not my dick.”

My nose scrunched up. “Crass much?”

“Rather be crass than condescending.”

I put my hand in his. “I am not condescending.”

“No?”

“No.”

He helped me to my feet. “If you say so.”

I brushed my clothes off. “Do you have a bathroom I can use?”

Lumberjack pointed. “Maybe while you’re in there, you can pry the stick out of your ass.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You’re rude.”

He sighed. “Just go do what you gotta do, Red.”

“Red. That’s original.” I attempted to lift my chin into the air and keep a bit of my dignity as I walked to the bathroom. But the screech I let out when I shut the door was anything but dignified. “Umm…Lumberjack?” I was afraid to move.

Footsteps came closer on the other side of the door. “Is that supposed to be me?”

“Did you know there’s a giant dog in your bathtub?”

“I did indeed.”

The Saint Bernard tilted his head at me, curiously. “You could’ve warned me.”

There was silence for a few seconds, then, “Hey, Red?”

“Yeah?”

“Oak sleeps in the bathtub.”

“Is Oak the dog?”

“Yep.”

“Does he bite?”

“He sleeps in the bathtub because he’s afraid of his own shadow. I think you’re safe.”

“Great,” I mumbled.