4.5 Smooches!

Synopsis

Never in a million years would I have pictured myself as an axe-wielding, dragon lady, chopping up multi-colored flannel shirts into my very own plaid mulch. But here I am, chopping away my frustrations.

It all started when my brother, Paul, convinced me to go on one last family road trip across the Mother Road with him and my dad.. Just like old times, right? Wrong. What Paul fails to mention is his best man, Porter, will be joining us, who just so happens to be my childhood crush and the man who broke my heart four years ago.

What is supposed to be a fun, family bonding experience across Route 66 turns into a war of pranks, awkward moments and bathrooms full of dirty flannel shirts and day old beard clippings. Paul’s know-it-all attitude and Porter’s devilish charm brings me to the brink of my sanity on my seven day trek across the United States with three bearded men in a small 1980’s RV.

Review

“This is the about the week leading up to my brother’s wedding… the week that I now refer to on my blog as the journey of three beards and a mascara brush.”

Twenty-two-old beauty blogger, Marley McCann, is surprised one day outside her LA apartment by her farmer father, Bernie, and her computer nerd/drama queen brother, Paul, who is getting married in a little over a week. In lieu of a bachelor party, Paul wants a week to fulfill their deceased mother’s lifelong dream: a family road trip along Route 66 in their 1980s RV (named Tacy) from California to Chicago, where they will indulge in the mother of all hotdogs. It had always been her goal to travel the country in Tacy with the intention of having a hotdog in every state, and she was nearly there. Before she became ill, Mama McCann had this trip all planned and mapped out. The time has come for the remaining McCann’s to fulfill Mama’s dream.

“Here’s to getting our kicks on Route 66.”

Mixed cassette tapes, aggressive car games, practical jokes gone awry, explosive diarrhea, Funyons and Honkey Dory, the nearly melted butthole incident, presidents’ names as expletives, enough trivia to fill an encyclopedia and an intimidating set of eyebrows: this trip makes the Griswolds vacation look like a trip to the library. The big surprise for Marley, though, is the unexpected, but unsurprising, addition of Porter Smith, her brother’s best friend, her dad’s farmhand/second son and her not-so-former childhood crush. Oh, she’s deep in denial about it, but despite decimating her tender eighteen-year-old heart four years earlier, she still carries that torch for him. She’s been steadfastly ignoring and avoiding all things Porter for the last four years, so the idea of being trapped in the tight quarters of her family’s RV with him for a week is not enveloping her in nostalgic, warm fuzzies.

“Marley McCann is made for me, our souls are entwined, it’s a shame our paths are going in two different directions.”

Porter Smith fell in love with Marley McCann practically the day he met her, upon walking up to the McCann’s farm the day after his family moved in next door. His childhood was nowhere near as idyllic as Marley and Paul’s was, but Mama McCann embraced him immediately as one of her own and their family gave Porter the solid foundation, love and attention that his home life had been lacking. After Paul left for the Army before Marley’s senior year in HS, Porter and Marley grew even closer. He fell head over heels for her, as she did with him, but recognizing that she was destined for something more than could be found their in rural Jamestown, NY farming town, he broke both of their hearts instead by letting her go. He’s never gotten over her, he’s never forgotten what they shared, and he knows, down to the bottom of his soul, he will never love anyone the way he loves her. She is it for him, and he is hers.

“Why does it feel like I’m living out my Kevin Arnold fantasies, and I finally have a chance with Winnie Cooper?”

Desperate to reconnect with her after four years of complete radio silence, Porter attempts to engage Marley. But her heart wasn’t just broken the night he left her behind without a word, it was shattered. Patient and hopeful, Porter slowly but surely chips away at Marley’s walls. They reconnect, and while neither is ready to admit it to the other, the feelings they have for each other are very much still there – right there – and they cannot help but act on them. Smoldering and sexy bearded kisses, stolen romantic moments and a beautiful night under the stars in a tent all add up to something neither can deny. But will past wounds get in the way? Can they be brave enough to put aside their pain and finally tell each other how they feel? Perhaps… but maybe a push in the form of some Mama McCann wisdom will do the trick.

“These hands, they were made to protect my heart, to guide me through life, and to take care of me…”

Gah! What a hilarious book!! This book was tears-streaming-down-your-face, doubled-over-clutching-your-sides, foot-stomping, legs-crossed-so-you-don’t-pee-yourself, unable-to-catch-your-breath-from-laughing-out-loud funny. So descriptive, I felt like I was riding along with the McCanns on the Route 66 road trip. Porter and Marley’s love story was sweet, and while I wished for more, there was even a bit of steamy goodness to be found here. (But, let’s be honest, how much can really happen when you’re cooped up in a camper with your dad and your older brother?) This was a fun, sometimes kooky, sometimes heart-meltingly sweet book. I loved it!

It’s 4.5 raucous, romantic, Richard-Nixon-ranting smooches from me for Meghan Quinn’s The Mother Road.

~ Danielle Palumbo

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